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It is just as important for partners to talk through their emotional states as it is for victims, she says.
Tobias recommends checking with local associations of licensed psychologists and psychiatrists for referrals.
Recently, Haney flew into a jealous rage when her boyfriend took a phone call from a woman friend in her presence.
Although outwardly viewing the relationship as a fling, her reaction to the phone call suggested otherwise.
And the numbers behind this dilemma are substantial.
But she's far from alone, according to a survey of 1,032 college students published in the November 1999 issue of the Journal of Sex Research.
A sense of security may be totally absent, according to Paul Tobias, Ph D, a Los Angeles psychologist.
Abuse survivors and their partners should consider counseling, whether it's with a therapist, self-help group, or religious organization, says Judith Herman, MD, a psychiatrist on the faculty at Harvard School of Medicine.
Partners should be especially understanding with abuse survivors, who can at times lash out for no apparent reason.
"Have patience and sit down with the person and try to talk ... It might be that they are having a flashback, for instance.
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But others may have a sudden loss of desire, says Bette Marcus, Ph D, a Rockville, Md., psychologist.