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“The fear of man lays a snare” (Proverbs ): the trap is . Bringing your partner’s sexual past up repeatedly will destroy your relationship quickly: “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9).

Obsessions with your partner’s past likely signals that you have some work to do. Make your close, trusted, selective friend group the place to think openly in confidence, and make your relationship the place where you speak intentionally and thoughtfully.

After an hour, the invitation, all chats and photos are erased.

It would be a terrible violence to give someone’s past sins power over them that they didn’t previously have.

When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.

What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.

To marry someone with a past is not “settling,” but can be a great gift. What he meant for evil — to harm or demoralize us — God often means for our good (Genesis ). The promiscuous King Solomon knew firsthand: satisfaction is measured, not in terms of what a person can do in fifteen minutes, but what they can do with fifteen years: “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? By trying to measure up to past sexual partners, we give the past power that it neither has, nor should be thought to have.

Search your heart and root out self-righteousness so that you’re not blind to see that God may be giving you marry your partner who has a sexual history, you will not be the best person in their life in every area of life. It is way too easy to become obsessed with a partner’s sexual history.

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  1. “We’d agreed ahead of time that this was just going to be a general meet-up, so we could gauge interest first and make sure neither of us were serial killers,” says Holmes, 28, an engineer and pole dance instructor in Seattle.

  2. Not for the faint of heart, The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating challenges singles to step up and set a new standard for this generation. Looking for the right person is a great idea as long as you don't assume that finding the right person ensures everything will be all right. Not a single male reading this book will underline that statement. Which means if you're sexually involved with someone right now, the next time the two of you are in the middle of lovemaking, look each other in the eye and say, "You are one of a million! But sexual compatibility is not the litmus test for relational compatibility. Losing interest in sex with someone is always a manifestation of something else. My hunch is the root of your previous relational challenges was ... Chances are you would have addressed the relational challenges more quickly if you hadn't been physically involved.

  3. To register, first you need to choose to indicate your sexual identity (male or female), status (single or in a relationship or attached) and the one you are looking for.